Metroid: Other M: The Drinking Game

Note: The rules remain a work in progress. Certain conditions could become fatal for those of small frame/low tolerance. You have been warned.

I really wanted to like Metroid: Other M. If nothing else, Team Ninja came up with solid gameplay concepts. Unfortunately, the terrible story, dialogue, and voice-acting along with incredibly long cutscenes during which you must endure copious amounts of the aforementioned terrible story, dialogue, and voice-acting get in the way of any possible enjoyment. I’ve decided turning Metroid: Other M into a drinking game is the only possible way I’d every slog through the game again.

Down 1/2 a shot when:
Samus says “baby”. *
Anyone says any variant of the word “authorize”.
Samus is the shortest person on-screen despite being over 6 feet tall according to canon.
Samus is still one of the shortest people on-screen despite being in a bulky power suit (stacks with previous condition).
The authorization mechanic doesn’t make sense (defensive and mobility gear, I’m looking at you).
Anthony calls Samus “Princess”.
The station computer’s voice conveys more personality than the human characters.
You restore energy or missles by “concentrating” (yes, that is a thing that happens in the game).

Down 1 shot when:
Adam is an asshole.
Adam withholds authorization of a thing until Samus nearly dies from the lack of it (stacks with previous conditions).
Someone repeats something stated seconds before as if the information is completely new.
Something doesn’t make sense based on previous games or Other M’s place in the Metroid timeline (*cough*Ridley fight*cough).

Down 2 shots when:
Something flat-out silly happens (transformation sequence, thumbs up/down as a serious military hand-sign, etc.).
Samus has to be saved by one of the big, strong men.
Someone has been killed off-screen.
Tedious boss battle is tedious.

Down 1/2 the bottle when:
It is revealed at the end of the game that all of Samus’s efforts were pointless and the big, strong men actually made the mission successful independent of anything she did.
You realize the most compelling gameplay (including the only remotely interesting boss fight) happens after the end credits.

* This condition pops up rarely once the game gets rolling, but the opening cutscene could be fatal for folks of weaker constitution.

About J.W. Colossal

Engineer, environmentalist, and all-around geek.

Posted on 2012/02/05, in Input and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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